As a highly sensitive person, soothing my nervous system is an ever-evolving daily practice. My beautiful son recently entered toddlerhood which means a lot of big emotions (for us both)! I would like to share the three-step thought process I use to guide my child and myself through rocky waters.
I have found that when I use this method, I am able to parent from a place of peace. I now do not fear such difficulties. I instead see them as a part of our flow and welcome them as an opportunity for expansion.
1. First, I do not take my child's reactions personally. I believe strongly that understanding the development of a child's brain is necessary for healthy parenting. By educating myself, I can see my child's behavior as typical and not as a personal attack against me. When confronted with an outburst, I take a breath and remind myself that it is not my fault (or his fault); rather, he is responding to a situation age-appropriately.
2. Next, I am present during the emotion, and I model options for moving through them with compassion, understanding, and boundaries.
Compassion, as in thinking, it must be hard to feel out of control. I have felt like that before too.
Understanding like, as an 18-month-old, he cannot reason while acting from a place of this big emotion, I am going to let him know I am here with him and that he is safe as he moves through it.
Boundaries such as, "I will not let you hit me", and "it is my job to keep you safe".
(This all takes practice and additional education on child development. I strongly recommend looking into Janet Lansbury's work as a trusted resource.)
3. As my child returns to a state of calm, I take a moment to reflect on what just took place. No matter what, I always give myself (and my inner child) gentle grace. If I act out of disconnect and impatience, I would remind myself that perfect parenting isn't a thing. I quickly move on and return to the present moment. If I notice negative self-talk, "you should have known..." "you're not a good mother...", then I recognize deeper healing for myself is required.
A few other ways to feel grounded:
Notice areas of the home or routine that are over-stimulating and/or confusing for you and your child, then work on shifting those areas to a calmer and predictable space.
Work on establishing a flexible routine for you and your child. Communicate with your child when shifts in the routine are required.
Get into nature and let yourself and your child experience the natural world through the eyes of imagination and wonder, letting go of expectation and rigidness.
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